ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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