Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I could fuck to npr.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
