Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
