another moral hangover. fuck.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
