remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
