im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
