When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
