It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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