Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize