I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
