***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
