worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize