omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize