Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
