Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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