Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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