I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
