Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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