I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
