so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize