HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
