well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
