just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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