The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
