My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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