He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
