I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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