How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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