I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
