You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
