Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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