he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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