I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
