I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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