Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
this is an emotional support booty call
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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