just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
