one two three fourrrrnication!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
