He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
