as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
