ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
