I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
