please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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