What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
