I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is the high leading the old right now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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