yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize