he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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