when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Boobs are out for the taking
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
