I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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