Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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