I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
