it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
