there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
