sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
