I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
