oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Too much gin, very little bucket
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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