we have pet lesbian snakes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
