thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
