I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
