Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
