Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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