Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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