It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize