Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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