i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
