forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
