All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
