I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
pray to the hookup gods
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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