I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
