It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
