when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
