I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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