I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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