I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
