for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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