So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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