508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
