I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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