You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
