my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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