whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
