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Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
