Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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