Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
