Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
