he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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