she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
