I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
