Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
