very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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