Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
