apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
