Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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