It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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